January 31, 2010
Good Night Sweet Bill, today you play with the angels
Bill and Tom, photo ©Kat Caverly 2009
Bill Boy, Rest in Peace February 25, 2010
Over 3 weeks ago I started feeding Bill raw grass-fed meats. His favorite was pork chops. His next favorite nummy was mayonaisse. He was also fond of raw chicken and roasted beefs. The power of these favorite things gave him 25 more days with us. He was a cat with no time to lose, so the time was always now.
He was eating less than before which was a bit overwhelming at times since he ate 12-15 times a day depending how late I was working; really, really. By the end he was only eating 4-5 times a day and when he asked for food I immediate dropped everything and gave it to him.
He like a bit of attention but unlike his predecessor Buster (whom he looked like) Bill did not like to cuddle. As he was on the first days we lived together, he was yesterday. He kept trying to hide. This was the hardest for me.
I prayed that his passing would be peaceful. I know that this is possible in a cat since I saw my dear Rocky give up the life force with a sigh. It was an amazing moment we shared. It was not as such with Bill, but I tried to respect his wishes, and still make him as comfortable as possible.
I do not believe in euthanasia. It is not going to sleep and in fact the struggle lasts much longer. Unless there is pain. I don't think I could stand to watch any living thing be in pain. Death is not usually painful. It is confusing for animals only because they don't know about death. So it is confusing and that is when their connection to us helps. We can comfort them if they let us. I could not comfort Bill, but to talk to him and act like everything was ok.
The only time he cried out was when he was trying to walk. He made huge efforts and succeed moving many times. The will to live is a powerful force and it gives us as much time as nature will allow, but at the end it is best to find a way to release. We will know when our time comes and hopefully we will find a way to not be afraid.
Good-bye sweet Bill. You will live in
my heart forever.
Never underestimate the Will to Live
written January 31, 2010
My boy Bill is such an amazing cat. He came into our lives when a neighbor kept telling me about this black and white cat living near the train tracks outside near our apartment building in Manhattan. Early life was not easy for dear Bill. Someone cruelly threw him out into the mean streets and he survived there for over two years.
And then we met.
And he looked just like my dearly departed Buster and my heart melted. It took him almost a month to stop hiding from us. I kept him in our studio, isolated from other cats until we were sure that he was disease free. By the time he started to come out I realized he had ringworm. Poor fellow. So I donned a hazmat suit (crazy koot in a paper suit) and gave him his medicine and soothed his wounds with Rescue Remedy cream and within another few months he was given a clean bill of health!
The first time I tried to bring him home and into a household of four other cats it was a disaster. Prior to this experience I truly believed given enough time cats would always learn to get along with each other. But I learned the hard way that cats really don't like to be kept inside in groups of more than three.
After the second attempt (another disaster) I came to discover that Bill had been terrorized by other cats while he was living on the street. He was terrified and although he was the only one doing the attacking now, I had to once again isolate him in our studio.
He lived alone and happily in our little Manhattan studio for another 7 years. In 2005 I started to notice he held his head in an odd way and was unstable. I had a great vet in Manhattan, a real animal lover and we could not find an infection, believing it was probably some kind of brain tumor. Bill was already about 12 years old, so I knew I would not put him through neurosurgery and any of its aftermath. I started to give him such a life that his will to live would give him a fighting chance.
In 2006 he started to show signs of what I found out in 2007 was advanced kidney disease. We also got a diagnosis of cancer on top of everything else in November 2007. So I took my dear friend home and now that I knew that his time was coming I started to give him anything and everything he wanted!
In late 2007 we move to our new studio and Bill was forced to live with Rosie and BB. I think this new challenge actually gave Bill a new lease on life. He has over 4000 sq feet of indoor space and another 5000 sq feet of private roof space to bask in the sun and eat grasses and catnip in season.
I have known he was sick now for over 5 years and for the past two I knew I would never take him to a vet again as long as he was not suffering. Pain may be inevitable but the suffering is without a doubt optional. He has shown an amazing quality of life and since I feed him whenever he wants food, he has been getting meals every hour. He really knows how to milk me for every drop!
I noticed on this past Monday that he was having some troubles jumping up. I also noticed that he wasn't asking for as much food; still 6-8 times a day but down from his usual 10-14 meals. No exaggeration! On Thursday I noticed that his back feet, both of them were swollen but he wasn't in any pain. He ate more on Friday but on Saturday I noticed that one of his front paws was also now swollen. This edema, a new symptom, shows me that his heart is starting to fail but nothing that can be done won't kill him since the medicines for the edema would most likely cause total kidney failure at this point.
Last night he didn't come to sleep with us, and although he was eating, I began to prepare myself for an end that was coming soon. I had a hard time falling asleep but I promised to keep up my spirits while he was still alive and then I noticed that he was crawling into bed between us, where he stayed until the morning. And I fell blissfully asleep.
He may have just days, or weeks, or maybe months. I will not underestimate this cat. He has a life that he loves and he is enjoying it. He is not in any pain or even discomfort. And from now on he will be pampered with every comfort and sweetness, special meals and lots of loving.
Dear Bill, you ain't dead yet!
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